Elle King - Editorial by Theresa Tayler
Oh no, was my human showing? #WWDD
The brunt of 2024 could have been a real doozy for musician Elle King. The rock ‘n’ roller let an alcohol-infused F-bomb slip at the Opry, then months later, the not-so-prodigal daughter shit-talked her ol’ man on a popular podcast.
Yet, somehow, King managed to come out standing tall like the queen she is.
For those of you who are not pre-learn’ed of Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry lore, the institution has existed in various forms since the 1920s; a country music mecca of traditional values and performance. Elle uttered the four-letter word (and rambled on about other things) during a performance for Dolly Parton’s birthday celebration at the venue in January.
And then…ALL HELL BROKE LOSE ON THE ‘OL INTERNET.
Elle explained later that she’d had a few bevies and well, kinda forgot the song.
Good gosh… aren’t rock stars supposed to carouse and sware? Isn’t that why we love them? Their unabashed and unbridled lack of care for social convention? Elle is in good company as other notable musicians to upset the apple cart by defying Opry protocol, including Gram Parsons and Johnny Cash.
But humans are a bit silly. We love outliers, and those who defy convention, but we also love seeing them fall. Regarding public perception and relations, part of the battle of becoming well-known in any industry or successful is dealing with the inevitable schadenfreude that accompanies success. Humans are… mean.
While drinking and swearing may seem like part of the job requirement for any self-respecting musician, the Opry and Nashville have their own hierarchy and traditional norms. Those who defy the so-called Nashville machine risk being canceled by fans and the industry. Women aren’t supposed to be crass or liquored; gender norms are prevalent, etc. etc.
How’d she handle it – with genuine honesty and vulnerability
Elle picked herself up by her bluesy bootstraps and carried on; ditching the ego and admitting fault and that she was struggling with alcohol and …life. She later said in a TikTok reel on the topic “oh, no… was my human showing? WWDD (What Would Dolly Do?)”
Due to tackling the drama head-on, she was also able to stand in her truth and still shoot back at the preverbal patriarchy, using the opportunity to point out that inherent gender biases impact the way public figures are judged at the ‘Opry and beyond; and Dolly graciously made a statement forgiving Elle and telling people to chill out.
What could have gone wrong?
If Elle had justified the performance and denied having been drunk or told folks to mind their own… the public (even those who agree and empathize with her) may have turned on her. It would have been incredibly disrespectful to the other performers, Dolly and the fans.
The PR lesson here is, you can’t shift blame and attack to cover your own ass. If Elle had refused to self-reflect BEFORE taking a stabat the ‘Opry, the audience, the system and what she felt was unfair about the situation in order to shift the narrative, she would have cooked her own goose.
She spoke from the heart, and people could feel that in her delivery. Many public figures and celebrities will (understandably) try to keep their private struggles completely private, including addiction and mental health issues. King’s short and sweet statements about her state of mind at the time of the performance shut any hearsay and gossip down before it could gain traction.
It also makes King even more relatable to fans and the vast majority of humans… who hasn’t struggled with something in life and mucked up something good, said something silly at a dinner party or publicly or indulged and regretted a decision?
Have we not learned anything from Brene Brown!! (smirk) Vulnerability is where it’s at.
And then, she shit-talked dad.
Okay… so, to be fair to King, her dad, Rob Schneider, is one of the most annoying and out-of-touch SNL alums since Victoria Jackson (who publicly harps on about her opposition to gay marriage). Schneider has come under fire recently for his ramblings, which err on the side of anti-trans, anti-vax, and most recently — eye roll — anti-Canada, which he calls a repressive regime.
The guy is a real piece of work – if it weren’t for Adam Sandler, Rob probably wouldn’t have much of a career.
During an interview on Dumb Blonde, by Bunnie XO, King spoke honestly about her relationship with her father. This included his absenteeism, clearly overtly narcissistic personality, which she’s mitigated since birth, and the strange need to put her in fat camp as a teen. She laughed most of the childhood experiences off and also mentioned she doesn’t agree with his views on gender and identity.
This interview went viral for, well, a million reasons. Not only is Schneider in the news of late because of his anti-trans and conservative statements, but it’s the first time Elle has spoken about their rocky relationship. If you listen to the entire podcast, it seems clear this wasn’t a “set up” by Bunnie and King: the conversation comes across as natural and raw. King is honest about her childhood and experience with her father but does not come across as overtly angered by it or vindictive.
It is simply is her story, her life, her truth and she owns it with humble honesty.
This could have gone… badly. The term Nepo baby comes to mind.
A famous musician in her 30s who comes from a celebrity family and industry insider?? it would be perceived that she grew up in privilege and had a head start in the business. This could have easily been seen as a spoiled nepo baby hitting up a podcast and biting the hand that feeds.
How did this not come across like an excerpt out of “Mommy/Daddy Dearest?”
Because it wasn’t planned or contrived to be a story, a statement, or a moment to take a stab at Dad, she told her truth in stories about her childhood without making accusations about her birth parent.
While King has likely enjoyed some of the privilege of being born into the entertainment industry, she does note that her father was not particularly helpful in funding her upbringing, education, or getting her start in the industry.
Everyone (including Rob) seemed to take it well… This is because King does something naturally that very few in the spotlight or positions of public leadership and visibility do well. She doesn’t fear the fallout (but she does show emotion).When she criticizes others or institutions, it is heard and listened to, because through her accountability and vulnerability, she has established trust in her audience.
Application to your PR and public outreach?
Elle’s a huge star, but these lessons can be applied to leadership and public roles for founders, CEOs, artists, and musicians with hundreds of followers or public speaking engagements that include smaller crowds and audiences.
Most of us would crumble after accidentally throwing out an F-Bomb at Dolly’s birthday bash, but she leaned into the discomfort of it and was able to ride it out fairly unscathed.
Too late to apologize? Well, sometimes…
The biggest PR crises I’ve covered as a journalist (and helped subdue as a communications staffer) stemmed from senior teams, and leaders, hiding away in corner offices and stressing and rehearsing the “how to not say sorry” routine.
This approach drives comms and media relations staffers nuts as it’s often set to action by legal teams behind the curtain, advising leadership not to admit fault, which is another story altogether…
Legal issues aside… the majority of Bad PR crises stem not from a legal obligation to avoid fault but from an egoic compulsion to avoid accountability and the pain and shame of being wrong or having said or done something embarrassing or harmful.
So much time, trolling social media issues, and bad press could be avoided if those of us who flub up publicly could just own it. It seems a particularly hard pill for those who have been systemically in power for longer periods of time. The more “yes” people an individual has around them over time, or power and money to avoid fallout, it seems the more apt they are to truly believe they are not at fault.
PR folks are… part of the problem or solution?
Unfortunately for us PR folks, it’s usually the powerful and privileged who can and do seek out PR teams for crises. And that means we have a responsibility to thicken our skin and get focused on our values and purpose as well.
What to look for when hiring a PR consultant, team or employee?
Good PR teams, consultants and partners are not “Yes” folks. They should be questioning and pushing clients and partners to discomfort at times and playing devil’s advocate to help flesh out solutions and get to the heart of authentic purpose and messages. Too often we get positioned as service staff or underlings in large organizations instead of partners and advisors and this is where things go… poorly.
Accountability is not the same as compromising authenticity. Having the integrity to apologize is strength.
There is no great leader, product, innovation, art, or initiative in history that pleased everyone and didn’t create at least some modicum of discourse. We forget this and chase up negative comments on social media or value our social media stats and media coverage based on sentiment instead of thinking critically about whether we want everyone to like us and agree with us.
When we worry too much about those who will dislike us and try to pander to all audiences, things get sketchy. This is where communication strategies and people, in general, become defensive and lose their authenticity.
Ever heard the term “all PR is good PR”? This isn’t quite what that term meant, but what we can take it from is to learn to embrace and nurture our own inner rock star ‘don’t give a f&ck’ attitude (sometimes). Sometimes part of a good PR strategy is realizing that you can’t please ‘em all; because that, in essence, is just people pleasing. That’s not healthy and doesn’t inspire respect or following.
Case in point?
Even Rob Schneider came out on top during the aforementioned fiasco because he took on the chin, publicly laughed it off, and said he loved his daughter unconditionally.
He didn’t go into defence; he didn’t deny her truth or come up with a counter-story, he just accepted her and refrained from trying to rearrange the facts to his liking. Well, kinda… he was on Tucker Carlson, and he still came off like a giant douche. But hey, that’s Rob Schneider. He is who he is, and his fan base isn’t leaving him anytime soon; nor is Elle’s – the daughter and father probably gained a few new followers and fans in 2024 from all the drama.
Conclusion: We’re all a bit shitty sometimes; own it…
At Start Me Up PR, we tag things with “Own Your Story…” And we mean it: For good or bad, you can’t spin things into magic dust. You have to ride it out and Speak Your Truth. Our stories and truths make us interesting, worth following, and ultimately trustworthy.
King said just after her flub at the Opry “Oh no, was my human showing?”
I never want our clients or partners to feel like they can’t be human or have to chase likes. We don’t cancel people, and we don’t shut down discourse. However, we (me) have had to learn the hard way… “when it’s time to go.”
We will walk away from those who don’t fit our values or those we can’t serve properly. We expect others will walk away from us as well if we aren’t serving or aligning with their truths. It’s happened before, it will happen again, and that’s okay. We’re not for everyone… But, even if you don’t “like” us, you can still trust us.
September PR tip?
Remember the #WWDD rule of thumb (🎙️😁🎶What Would Dolly Do?🎙️😁🎶)
